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Is 'Gentle Parenting' Ruining French Children?

09 August 2026 · 39m

What was discussed

Introduction to the French parenting debate

France's traditional reputation for strict, rule-bound parenting is being challenged by a growing movement toward gentler, more American-style parenting. This shift has sparked a fierce national debate, with both sides accusing each other of harming children. Reporter Madeline Schwartz, who grew up between the US and France, discusses the origins and stakes of this controversy.

Caroline Goldman and the backlash against gentle parenting

Psychologist Caroline Goldman, daughter of famous French singer Jean-Jacques Goldman, has become a prominent media figure arguing that gentle parenting has misled a generation of French children and that a return to disciplinarian methods is needed. She works as a therapist near Paris and says she has seen an explosion of behavioral problems in children over the past decade, which she attributes to parents abandoning authority.

Traditional French parenting and Bringing Up Bébé

Traditional French parenting has long emphasized strict rules, structured mealtimes with complex adult food, and set bedtimes that preserve parents' adult lives. Pamela Druckerman's 2012 bestseller 'Bringing Up Bébé' popularized this model in the US, portraying French parenting as balancing rules for children with freedom for parents. Cultural examples, like the children's book 'On Papa' and the film 'Papa ou Maman,' illustrate this rule-bound, parent-centered ethos, which traces back to influential psychoanalyst Françoise Dolto.

Rise of gentle/positive parenting in France

Gentle parenting, known in France as 'positive parenting,' arrived from English-speaking countries in the 1990s and gained momentum through social media in the 2000s. It centers on the child's needs and emotional experience rather than strict rules. Isabelle Filliozat, a widely read French parenting author, is a leading proponent, advocating techniques like framing instructions positively and avoiding the word 'no' with children under three.

French government guidelines banning punishment, including timeouts

Positive parenting principles have become embedded in official French policy, with new government guidelines for daycare workers explicitly banning any form of punishment, including timeouts, when children misbehave. This institutionalization of gentle parenting has intensified the backlash from disciplinarian advocates like Goldman, who view timeouts as an essential parenting tool.

Goldman's timeout method and the open letter wars

Goldman advocates for extensive use of timeouts, including for children as young as one, with timeouts of at least 30 minutes recommended for children over four—far longer than conventional research-based recommendations. In 2022, she and over 350 early childhood experts signed an open letter in Le Figaro criticizing excessive positive parenting, while 280 opposing experts signed a counter-letter in Le Monde defending gentler approaches and condemning long timeouts as isolating and rights-violating.

France's 2019 anti-spanking law and ambiguity over 'ordinary educational violence'

In 2019 France passed a law banning physical and psychological violence against children, using the undefined term 'ordinary educational violence.' This ambiguity has fueled disagreement, with Goldman's camp arguing timeouts are acceptable while opposing experts consider timeouts a form of the very violence the law prohibits, leaving parents caught between conflicting authoritative guidance.

Parental pessimism and the value of parenting in French society

A French sociologist coined the term 'parental pessimism' to describe how French parents feel overwhelmed and undervalued because societal value is placed on work rather than child-rearing, unlike in Sweden, where children are more visible and parents report much higher happiness. Studies show around 40% of French parents feel having children limits their freedom, compared to only 4% in Sweden, and France saw more deaths than births for the first time since World War II in 2025, prompting President Macron to call for demographic policies.